Relating to Muslim Women

Many of us who have entered into relationships with Muslim women and families have probably at some point been shocked when we have recognised the unconscious assumptions we have made about our friends. It may take us a while to unlearn some of the myths we have grown up with. Over the centuries, the ‘Christian’ West has regarded Muslims as barbaric, misogynistic, untrustworthy, unenlightened and a threat to Christendom. Muslim women have been regarded as a silent, almost faceless, oppressed group, with no powers over any part of their or their families' lives.

Variations

Yet ‘Muslim women’ are no less a unified group to be lumped together and characterised than are ‘young people’ or ‘Europeans’. Some Muslim women are highly educated students and lecturers from all over the world, here in transit. Though 1991 Census figures are much lower, unofficial estimates (including those of Muslim organisations) are that one and a half million Muslims live in Britain, of whom roughly half are women.

There are as many variations of Muslim womanhood as there are individuals. There are secular Muslim women, devout Muslim women (both young and old), there are revivalist missionary-minded young women. There are women who understand their faith and, understanding it, believe all the more fervently. There are women who, having investigated the faith for themselves, have rejected it, though not their culture. There are some who have rejected both. Also, there are many who, like most of us, are in the process of moving from one position to another on their journey towards self-understanding.

Motives

What about us? Do we have any subtly condescending attitudes? What are our motives? Are we responding out of a need to be needed? Will we resist the temptation to become indispensable? As one Muslim woman put it, ‘Do you love me because you want me to follow Christ or do you want me to follow Christ because you love me?’

Most Christians who have been reaching out to Muslim women in Britain for years and years say that the key is true friendship and genuine love. This will involve actually crossing the threshold and visiting people in their homes. Jackie Pullinger reminded a congress in Germany in April 1995 that God commands us to ‘Go’. It may be China, it may be Hong Kong, it may be South America... or it may be across the road. Sometimes the shortest step is the hardest.

Encounters

Hard or easy? I was walking down the road one day and noticed a Pakistani woman on the other side of the road. I didn’t know her at all. I smiled at her and she beamed back at me. Before I knew what had happened she had crossed the road and was standing beside me with her arm round me. ‘Come to my house’ she said. Within minutes I was sitting sipping sweet hot tea and being introduced to members of her family. Her daughter came into the room and I vaguely recognised her. She said, ‘I know you. You played your guitar and talked about Jesus to a group from our school last year.’ It’s amazing how far a smile across the road can reach!

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